3 Things to Remember When Turning 30

For some reason, we have become obsessed with turning 30 and believe this is the moral breaking point in our lives. At 30, if you haven't figured it out, then when will you? We begin to reflect on what we have done and find ourselves unsatisfied, pushing ourselves to the brink of a "midlife" crisis. Whenever I experience any difficulties, the first thing I think is, let me call a grown-up… I now realize that I am grown up and probably have the best solution to my problem if I step back and allow myself to resolve it.

I stop and reflect. I'm an adult that I would've trusted as a kid? Would I make my younger self proud? Have I made an impact? I began to think back to my daydreams as a little girl. I was obsessed with WWE and being a WWE Diva. There was something about the spotlight, the skill, and the appearance that interested me in a career on the mat. Of course, some of my favorite divas were "Lita, Trish, Melina, and "Chyna. Each had a different personality, but all commanded a presence. I admired the strength of these women and practiced their moves with my big brother daily.

Like most kids, I shared my dreams with my parents, and when I told my dad, his response was, "So you want to be a fool." My dreams of entertainment stopped at that moment. I was devastated. I would be too afraid to pursue anything that wouldn't make me look like a fool. I remember this interaction as a defining moment that let me know that my parents expected reality to be nothing exceptional. I wouldn't be rewarded for creativity for thinking outside of the box. I was built up to believe I would someday become an attorney.

I didn't pursue law but found power in advocacy and using my voice for equity. I revisit this moment as a kid with my father as a 30-year-old woman to show how powerful words can be carried over decades and shape the future of how you perceive yourself. I became a bookworm, a nerd wrapped in the worlds I explored through every page. There wasn't a genre I wasn't willing to explore. Books became a wall from the outside world, from The Princess Diaries to Stephen King. Protecting me from disappointment and providing insight into information and people far out of reach. I would tell myself, "Books don't disappoint; authors do."

My father's strict concept of being someone pushed me to join the debate team, where you were rewarded for academic rigor. I used to be upset at my dad. Why didn't he encourage me to become a professional wrestler? Even if he didn't think it was possible, why didn't he pour into me to believe in myself? 30-year-old me knows the truth: you cannot blame anyone for something you choose not to do.

I cannot hold a grudge or blame my father for my lack of wrestling fame. I never chose to take wrestling seriously; I never joined an adult wrestling league. Despite never taking a genuine interest in a wrestling career, I can find a moment to blame someone else for my corporate life. This moment didn't hurt my self-esteem. It drifted me from one lane of expression to the next; I found comfort in academia as a site of self-expression. 

The ego is cynical, holding on to memories to discourage you from moving forward, suspending you at that moment to animate the feeling of disappointment over and over. I reflect now not in bitterness but in gratitude for having someone who believes my voice is strong enough to serve others. As kids, we believe we have it all figured out and can't wait to be grown. I won't go so far as to say I want to do it all over again, but if I did have a few words of guidance to give my younger self, I would've told her these three things:

1)Trust yourself

Don't fear the feeling in your gut; it is not the bubble guts unless they are, but when you know you. Believe in the gut feeling without second-guessing yourself. You know what's right and wrong regarding how you feel about things. Trust your feelings. You deserve to be honored; the more you respect that, the happier you will be. I found myself engulfed in these mini-episodes when making what I called "Grown-up Decisions."

I consider any decision that costs me money, time, and energy a grown-up decision. I would call my mom or aunt and ask them for advice on what to do next. Now I know I only have Google and myself when making final decisions. I'm not alone. My village is vast, but I am the final decision-maker in my life, and everyone does not need insight into choices I need to take responsibility for. I will never regret trusting myself with my future over letting others weigh in with a disconnected perspective. Which is why you should always worry about what's on your plate.

2)Worry About What's on your plate!

There will always be someone somewhere living the life you want and doing the things you want to do. It is up to you to determine you will not observe in envy but in motivation. It's easy to complain about what we don't have and be miserable until we think we've achieved what will magically make us happy. Only to find out that once we achieved it, maintaining it was more challenging than achieving it in the first place. Sometimes, we need to understand the responsibility that comes with the power we are seeking.

We become envious of others who are leading and need to understand the price they are paying or their dedication to obtain their goals. You find yourself wishing you had what they had, did what they did "Looking at their plate," so to speak. Once you look at what others are eating, it will take time to find yourself satisfied with what you need to function. Everyone will be served a different plate in life. It is up to you to ensure you get what you need. A part of getting what you need is knowing when it is time to leave and allowing others to have the last word.

3)You can’t always have the last word.

Walk away. There is often an urge in me to tell people when they are wrong. It's not because I'm focused on the outcome; rather, I have no interest in misinformation or misunderstandings. As a former debater, I take being wrong or right as a challenge, an opportunity for me to strategize a new method, a new body of research. People shy away and become embarrassed by the concept of being wrong, and they become defensive.

Learning to remove your ego from the equation is essential to progressing into adulthood and realizing that the world you know is much bigger than your fear or failures. A part of this is developing emotional intelligence and coming to terms with the fact that "being petty ain't always productive. "There are so many other things to worry about when it comes to life that whatever lick you tryna get back isn't worth the damage of making the strike. When you feel like you can't stop talking because there is just one more thing you need to say, realize it's time to end the conversation. You can’t always have the last word.

Conclusion

Although my present isn't the glamorous dream of sweating on a WWE mat and getting hit with a metal chair off the top rope, I have a fantastic life that is fulfilled by everything that makes me who I am. I am forever indebted to my father for telling my brother and me to start as attorneys and aim to be judges. Even though we didn't become judges, we fight for equity daily.

As we go through life, there are moments when we need to convert from sites of pain to joy, releasing control over our lives by stripping its power. Be gracious that you are further than where you started. Find patience in everything you do, big or small. Without patience, anxiety will plot on you and steal your joy. Joy is the most precious emotion you have in this world. Hold onto it tight, and don't allow any piece of your flesh to deter you from fully benefiting from the healing powers of joy.

Most importantly, parents are just people. Yes, they shape our future, but they are not the determining factor for everything you do. Do not live your life bitter because your mama said you can't sing, so you never pursue music. It is up to you to write your own song and be the artist that you dare to be despite the discouragement. I don't want to be a wrestler today, and I love my dad for letting me know I'm an intelligent girl, not the fighting type.

Turning 30 is not about fearing the future but embracing the past, present, and all the endless possibilities God has in store for you. I believe that God is doing something more significant than I can even imagine for my life. Sometimes, I get upset because I am not where I want to be, but I know God will only give me what I can handle. So, instead, I have begun praying to only receive what is for me. I am thankful for making it to 30. Many mothers won't be celebrating their baby's 30th. I am humbled for this 30th trip around the sun and plan to continue serving others along my journey to build my village.